Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I forgot how hot balto sounded
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
