I am midnight drunk by noon
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
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we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
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I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?