I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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