I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
