turn off your phone and go to bed
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
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watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
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I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation