My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
