omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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