After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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