How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
