I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
