i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
