He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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