it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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