remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
