alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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