4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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