and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
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What a dumb baby whore.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
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Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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