so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
