I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
