My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
