big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
