writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
