he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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