The maid of honor just puked.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
