Will you blow on my dice?
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
