I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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