Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
