I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
