What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
