She's JV to your varsity
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
