I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
