my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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