I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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