I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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