The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
