East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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