Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
