Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You ruined the universe
Randomize
