Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Randomize
