shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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