Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
