They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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