Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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