You really coming over, don't trick.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
