do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
