Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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