party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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