If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
