We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
