I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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