If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I smell like Dick and happiness
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
