i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
