Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
