Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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