i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
