I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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