Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
being pregnant is like rehab
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
