Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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