everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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