well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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