Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
