I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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