the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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