at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
