I just found puke in my bra..
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
