I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
