He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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