take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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