Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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