She went from zero to smokin in five shots
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
