and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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