My pussy is not your playground.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
