party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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