Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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