PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
MIDGETS
????
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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