Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
