The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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