Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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