We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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