Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
