Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
