with your own penis?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
